Faulty Relationships: Should I Resign myself to Staying Single?

C.now ester

I have just read “Human cases, always others”, and I finally decide to write to you.

Like G., in recent years I have come across a multitude of “human cases”: an unpleasant definition, but it is difficult to be lenient with those who still have the house fixed, cooked and ironed by their elderly mother, those who maintain a morbid with the ex because “the poor thing is alone”, those who are only interested in snacks, social networks, only the mountains or kitesurfing (healthy, for God’s sake), only their dog, those who don’t read a book/ They don’t go to an exhibition or a concert for years, who survive on the surface in the home-work-gym routine when they are healthy and have the financial means to do anything. I have known, however, also some surprisingly nice themes.

I am 43 years old, and more than five years have passed since the end of the last full and happy relationship (which ended not by my choice); years in which I went through dating apps, learning in the meantime to live all that time for myself with joy (I allowed myself so many trips, concerts and experiences that the bank account cries, but the heart smiles), but always feeling the desire for that “privileged and full” sharing that I have only experienced as a couple is strong.

“The best break every 15 minutes”, I always wanted to believe it, so as not to feel defeated from the beginning. I demand a lot, I realize, but that’s because I have a lot to offer; I don’t feel arrogant about it.

I found six that made me jump, corresponding to the initial almost adolescent impulses and a possible crush, but in a short time (three months maximum) they showed themselves not prepared to live in a relationship: terribly selfish (but this is really part of it). male DNA, eh?), or different from the mask she is wearing, or again – the last one – capable of giving love only to women to be saved, a Red Cross nurse impervious to the feeling of an independent woman.

Let’s take out of the six the only one who was promised; I played in a separate league, that of “I’m in love with you like never before in my life, but I can’t leave my girlfriend” (someone like that always looks good in the sticker album, obviously I had to save myself by closing all contact). But the other five? Three had a long marriage behind them, with and without children, the other two had no “adult” relationship, convinced that they had never found the right woman. How is it that at 40 you play men who are attractive, intelligent, deep and still capable of having fun like little children? in words they seek love but then they are only able to walk away from commitments and commitments? In two, the balance implies giving up something of you in favor of us, maintaining spaces and interests that are only individual… It’s quite elementary, isn’t it?

Is six still a ridiculous number for stats? I have to resign myself to my single status? Trust in Divine Providence? My 67 year old therapist told me a couple of years ago “please don’t quit Tinder, just learn not to create expectations at least at first; if he locks himself in his house, he will never be found by anyone”.

The truth with those six, Esther, is it that they didn’t like me enough?

yours, he


Esther Viola’s response

ester viola

Face L.,

Now I don’t know what happened to the fantastic six, nor what resignations you asked for: in two, the balance implies giving up something of you in favor of us, keeping only spaces and individual interests…

How is it that at forty, you ask me, they want to get away from commitments?

And you answer yourself with everything that is happening in recent years. The truth is, he didn’t like me enough.

It is the best solution they have found.

Don’t write?

He doesn’t like you enough.

Is it just writing?

He doesn’t like you enough.

Stop writing?

He doesn’t like you enough.

Does he treat you like an indispensable friend?

He doesn’t like you enough.

Do you see yourself with little conviction?

He doesn’t like you enough.

Didn’t you mention giving ironclad guarantees for the future?

He doesn’t like you enough.

But what do we want to know about the lives of others? The truth is that we will never be given the whole truth, nor is there any hope of guessing it. You won’t know people’s intentions by asking.

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It will be that we take love more and more on the wrong side. Maybe happy families should talk first. In short, those who liked it a lot. They should clear up the big misunderstanding. People look for love as if everything depended on it. And instead the couple is a useful means of survival, a great help, it is also beautiful in its own way, to be part of it. I always have the impression that we have gotten used to asking for too many miracles of love. You give up this, I give up that, we will be together and we will be happy every day.

Dear L., for the future, less projects and samples and more “let’s see how it goes”.


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